grylliade.org Free minds. Free markets. Free beer.

I just want to point out how nice I'm being to you all by staying out of this thread. I have very, very strong opinions on TV commercials, especially bad ones. And I can rant at length. It's a moral failing.

I've actually considered starting a blog where I criticize loathsome commercials, but then I realized that, y'know, nobody cares.

I nitpick commercials obsessively, and get really ranty, and it's not amusing or witty, it's just angry. I'm the Lewis Black of TV commercials.

I hope that I am not one of the people who has dissuaded you from venting your advertising love/hate Ellie. I know that I have stated previously that conversations about advertising are a source of dread for me, but that has much more to do with the sources of those conversations than the topic itself. I'm sure I would love your comments.

There are ads that hurt my sensibilities so much that they cause me to literally leap for the remote. Off the top of my head, I cant recall a particular one since I seldom watch them long enough to internalize the company name.

Aww, thanks, mk. Don't worry, it wasn't your comments. Mostly just an awareness of how I take things to a level of criticism that makes most people recommend that I get a hobby and maybe some medication.

OH MY GOD I KNOW. It's absolutely unwatchable. It makes me so ashamed of my appreciation for the product. Also, I keep making everyone I know watch the commercial so they can share my pain.

I also like the Geico caveman commercials. The one with the caveman on the airport moving sidewalk is brilliant–subtle and funny.

I still hate, hate, hate fucking loathe and despisethe music in the Vonage commercials.

Also, the person who figured out how to make commercials louder than programming should be subject to the eternal torments of hell. No punishment is sufficient.

Jared (jewlers) is banned for life with their 'He got it at Jared' commercials. They've actually managed to soften my resolve against 'Every Kiss Begins with Kay' through the sheer shit-staininess of their commercials.

I despise aggressive music in commercials and I like heavy metal. Any ad that features rap-rock especially earns my ire.

All ads for movies that feature lots of quick cuts and overly dramatic music. Yes, we get that it is supposed to be exciting. Save some for the actual movie please.

I love the song they play in the Geico caveman commercial when he is on the escalator. The therapist one made me laugh.

And see, I always get "You're a stupid woman, the only thing you really want is something shiny" out of them. Apparently jewelry ads are just universally insulting.

There's a jewelry store in town that runs the most atrocious radio commercials. I'll transcribe them tomorrow. They are GODAWFUL.

"He went to Jared" makes me want to punch people, as does "Every Kiss Beings With Kay". I think the latter translates roughly to, "Every woman is a gold-digging whore, now buy some jewelry so she'll put out you stupid, stupid man." It's insulting to everyone, which is a pretty neat trick, but awfully annoying.

And I have to agree with smacky that the jewelry in those ads looks chintzy. Not the kind of thing I'd actually buy for anyone, ever, for any reason. Although I have a feeling that when/if the time comes finding a jeweler willing to put a round-cut loose tanzanite into a platinum solitare setting is going to be difficult. I can picture it in my head now,

"She'll want a diamond."

"No, she won't, she thinks diamonds are ugly. And her favorite color is purple, so it's either a good quality tanzanite or an amethyst."

"Sir, I've been doing this a long time and you absolutely must spend the cost of a small car on this over-priced carbon crystal from Africa."

"I'm quite serious about the tanzanite thing, actually, and I'm aware that they cost much, much less per carat although they're actually quite a lot rarer than diamonds. Sorry about the commission."

Hmmm...sounds like somebody's asking for an artificial diamond.

"Did you want big and pretty or did you want me to be poor, honey?"

My GF is also a banker...an investment banker, and VP at a major New York investment bank. It kind of ups her expectations. You can imagine the kind of rings her coworkers' wives have. *sigh* Still, I have to say that it reaffirms my faith in the American Dream a bit. Want to become rich? Go to business school, get a job at an investment bank. You won't be Bill Gates-type rich, just normal-person rich, but it looks like about as foolproof a plan as there is. Also a lot of work, which is why people avoid it.

...rot your brain with advertising! ;^) Yes, I am that guy who doesn't own a TV, as I think we've discussed before. It does make things a little tough when people say "Did you see that commercial where...?"

That's what video sites are for. ;)

Granted, I've never been what you'd call a normal woman, but I have NEVER understood the point of diamonds. Quality rhinestones or cubic zirconias sparkle just as well, and you don't have to worry about going broke if a stone falls out of its setting. And as has been pointed out, diamonds aren't even that rare.

Meh, don't own a TV if you don't want, whatevs. I can imagine how the NY I-banker might give the expectations a bit of a tweak. The kind of rings you have to lift weights in order to wear. Ridiculous.

Those Geico ads do rock. They've gotten funnier and funnier as they've gone along.

Remember when the "got milk" ads first started? They were masterpieces of ad humor. I still remember some of them even though that was like 10 years ago.

My current favorite ad is the cellphone company one (no idea what company, I don't pay attention to who the ads are for) where the guys download "Rock the Casbah" into their phone and then start mutilating the lyrics. Stop the catbox!! Makes me laugh every time.

I like the Geico ads, but even more, I liked a car insurance ad from a smaller company I saw in the subway the other day. There's a limp lizard tail hanging down, and the big text on the ad says "DO YOU SUFFER FROM REPTILE DYSFUNCTION?"

The Ax(e?) ones are pretty dumb, but they're sometimes funny, even if you're laughing more at them than with them. Yesterday I was at the movies with two friends, one male and one female, and this commercial comes on: Nubile young woman in bikini running through the jungle in slow motion. Jiggling and bouncing all over the place, of course. Male friend says "I don't know what this commercial is for, but I like it!" Then we see more women running through the jungle, similarly attired and similarly young and nubile, and I add "This commercial just keeps getting better and better!" :-D Many snorts of derision from female friend, of course. Then you see tens, then hundreds of women running through this island paradise, and you cut to one guy's blissed-out face...then he sprays himself with Axe body spray and you pull back to see that all the thousands of women are converging on him in a vast tidal wave... Stupid and cheesy? Absolutely. And completely not going to make me buy the product. But kind of funny all the same.

I kinda liked the Ax Snake Peel ads, which are all filmed like some sort of Lovecraftian Daytime Soap, with the guy saying "Friend, regret your questionable hook-up no longer. Let the Order of the Serpent show you how to peel away the shame with Ax Snake Peel."

When I saw the bikini girls running through the jungle I thought "well that would really hurt a person's feet" and that's pretty much all I could think of.

Once again, there may be something wrong with me.

yeah, pretty much. the deals are actually better in the lower (read: human) end of the antique ring market because a lot of women want h00000ge carat rings (1.5 and up) and they didn't make that shit back in the day.

i had to look up axe snake peel and yeah man. shit, i wonder how much they paid for that site. i'm kind of curious about the amount of time and money and effort that goes into these sort of things, you know, "viral marketing" and all that.

http://orderoftheserpentine.com/subliminal.html

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love was nailed to a cross crucified by might but love was undefeated it simply didn't fight

Ah yes. "Now vee shall UnPimp your Ride!"

I just want him to say "Jah, and ve vill cut off your yohnson. Ve beliefe in notting Lebowski!"

I don't exactly dislike this; it just feels a little wrong.

Last night I was watching TV while falling asleep on the sofa, and I saw some car commercial. There was a rapper guy driving a NASCAR car in a race; the joke was that he was listening to rap on the stereo and cruising reeeallll sssllllowww while the other cars on the track ripped past him. Then they showed a NASCAR driver in a nice black sedan (sorry, I haven't been able to tell one make/model from another since the 1980s), and the joke here was that he was ripping through an urban downtown at 200 mph while listening to "Sweet Home Alabama." Then the two of them met and traded cars. Something like that. I was only half-paying attention.

Okay, now check this. Immediately after that commercial was another commercial, this one for KFC, and they were playing .... "Sweet Home Alabama."

Now, I don't particularly hate "Sweet Home Alabama." But when two unrelated commercials just happen to come up, back-to-back, and they both feature the song "Sweet Home Alabama" ... well, to me that's an indication that there's way too much "Sweet Home Alabama" in the advertosphere. Plus there's something jump-the-sharky about it.

At least they aren't abusing "Free Bird" or "Simple Man." I have too much nostalgic affection for those two to start hating them now. (I have heard "Simple Man" in a commercial, but only one so far.)

There was a great ad for the Nissan Titan a couple of years ago that had some kind of real dirty guitar work in it. I heard the whole song once on public radio late at night, but have no idea what it was. It was kind of a long song, too. The first half, where they got the bit for the commercial was just gnarly.

I don't much like "Simple Man", except for, er, the guitar bit they used in that commercial.

That bit is really cool.

Speaking of Domino's. . . those "fudgy" commercials disturb me to no end. In fact, they're sooo bad, I am sure that they have been mentioned somewhere else in this thread. I mean, the Domino's mascot covers the little girl in what can only be described as fecal matter.

"We shall not grow wiser before we learn that much that we have done was very foolish."
Friedrich August von Hayek

I may puke up my delicious grapefruit as a result of that thought, smacky! BOO! Double BOO!

--
"Elevating" the discourse since 1982

I was happy when Old Spice brought the song back, but now it's been stuck in my head for two weeks.

You need help. In the spirit of fighting fire with fire...

Banana Phone

Go to "download the song" and listen, rinse, repeat as needed.

Stop that! Don't you know that stuff is contagious?

Okay, okay! I listened to the Banana Phone song clip.

Initially seductive, it is both strangely catchy and homicide-inducing.

Indeed. *chuckles evilly*

At the Cleveland International Film Festival last week, I watched "World's Best Commercials" (mock me if you wish).

The best ads IMO were for the Volkswagen Fox. They were famous movies animated in 30-second versions. They did my favorite film of all time:

The Shining:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlBrnUB6TDY

as well as about 10 or so others. Here are a few others:

Jaws:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX3-1jXFNto&NR

Alien:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unj-RKQOb5A&mode=related&search=

Pulp Fiction:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unj-RKQOb5A&mode=related&search=

Titanic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivFMLQ0TwlE&mode=related&search=

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A revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having. - V

Huh, when did they start using those clips for commercials?

Ah, OK.

Like Ellie, I used to have serious ulcers about commercials...I would nitpick to them to death...certain facial expressions would trigger me into a fit of rage (I would literally scream at the television [half-in the bag, mind you] "don't give me that smart-ass look, so and so! I will come through that screen"...)

Just when I thought ads could not get any worse, I deployed here...I now miss advertising in the United States...I want to see something, anything! Even the Domino's fudge commercials, for one simple fact: Armed Forces Network (AFN) plays nothing but THE STUPIDEST, WORST PROPAGANDA commercials I have ever seen in history. All the ads are like this: some soldier cheesily has a problem (gambling, drinking) it cheesily shows the effects on the family and the unit, and then it says "contact your chaplain"...the acting is rank, the message is so repetitive...it's like Commercial Hell.

Speaking of Domino's, that "Hoo-Ha Two Times Tuesday" ad busts me up thinking about it. I instituted "Hoo-Ha" as a response (instead of yes) in my daily life.

Force and mind are opposites; morality ends where the gun begins
-Ayn Rand- (of course)

Thanks for making me waste a substantial amount of time. :-) I had to send "Reservoir Dogs" to my girlfriend (it's her favorite Tarantino film). "I'm fuckin' dyin' here!"

I can only sadly offer, "get used to it". Today's wasted youth, trust fund indie rock kids are tomorrow's advertising executives.

I guess it's better than some of the really overplayed, ancient ad music. I swear, if I hear Bob Seger's "Like a Rock" one more time...

Frankly, 'like a rock' is bad, but I saw an ad using 'night moves'. I want to build a time machine to go back and surgically de-bark Bob Seger.

Well, there was that car commercial with Dr. Ruth Westheimer. That's about the best one I can think of offhand.

Lunch,
And the Ford KA commercial with the cat (if you are a feline hater).

I dunno, I kind of liked the "Unpimp Ze Avto" ones with Peter Stormare. But yeah, I agree that most auto advertising is crap. But then again, this is our country.

No the Ka wasn't in the US.
The VW bomber ad was in the US? I soooo missed that.

Nah. I don't think the VW Bomber ad was ever on TV. It was kinda like the alternate Snickers ads or whatever (the ones with the homoerotic violence from this years Uberbowl), only ever really released on the Tubes.

That second one weirds me out - in a good way. :)

I really like those commercials; something about the absurdity of it all pleases me. However, I don't eat fast food and I haven't eaten at a Burger King in about three years, so entertaining me isn't a good sales strategy.

Truly, these are the end times.